Is the Customer Always Right? This fucker wasn’t right.

I know the old saying “the customer is always right”, but then again I don’t believe in shit just because assholes repeat it over and over again. Of course, if you want to stay in business you can’t just go spouting off about what you really think of some of your dipshit-pain-in-the-ass customers.

But that’s for your business.

On a blog, I figure, we should be able to say whatever the fuck we want to those customers. I mean, if we can’t do it here, where can we do it?

Nobody really needs to know what the business is or who exactly the customer is.

But from now I think that when one of my customers says some moronic bullshit in an e-mail, I’ll post it here and show you that the customer is NOT always right. In fact, customers, like most other people, are insane and belong in the looney bin with the rest of the other 99.9% of the population in this fucked up world.

So here is an example of the lunacy the Lone Crusader has to put up with and bite his lip. But not here. Here I don’t bite my lip. Here you eat my shit. See the difference? I digress.

Anyways. I sell digital products online. You know, ebooks. It’s a great fucking business if you’ve never thought of it.

Think about it. There’s billions of people on the internet. And there’s millions of poor fuckers each month searching on google and other search engines for help to their problems. So you’ll have like maybe a million people a month searching for various terms relating to their problem like…let’s say…sleep apnea or something like that.

Instead of them pouncing around the internet like a dick without a head looking through shitty websites and listening to whatever some dumb-fucker has to say about their problem, I make sure that instead, they find me and my ebook.

My ebook will obviously be the classiest, most ‘brilliantest’, and most well-researched and just all around awesome solution to their sleep apnea.

With a little bit of savvy marketing and enough hits we can translate those searchers into buyers. Pretty cool. Huh?

Well, it’s hard work fuckers. It’s a business just like any other and I do it to make a living and feed my family. It just so happens that I’m also helping a lot of people in the process which is great. It’s a win-win. They’ve got a problem. I’ve got a solution. They have money. I need money. They give me money. I give them the solution.

You would think everyone would be happy with this deal, and most of the time everybody is.

But then once in a while you come across one of these looney toonsthat is so dense and evil that it just makes your head explode.

I won’t reveal his name. Let’s call him Chris for the purposes of our discussion.

Now I’ve learned not to be a pushy salesmen. You don’t want to beat your customers over the head with a sales pitch because most people don’t like that. Nobody likes a salesman. They want people to help them out and then when you tell them you can help them out more if they buy your product they will want to buy it anyway and you don’t need to convince them with your bullshit sales pitches that you read in some asshole’s book.

So that’s what I do. When people get on my email list, they get a few nice emails with valuable information that helps them with their problem. Most people love this shit. I’m not asking for a sale. I’m just telling them useful stuff that helps them out with their sleep apnea or whatever.

Well, this fucker named Chris wasn’t happy about all of this. Here I was giving him free tips to help him with his sleep apnea and not even asking for a sale and this is what he writes in response (this is an exact quote):

“dear Lone Crusader. If you had any insight into the pain people who have sleep apnea suffer and you knew how to help them then you could not resist broadcasting your findings FREE on the internet; you would be a hero. Instead you are trying to make money from suffering. Please do not contact me again.”
chris

Well, Chris. You made your point and now this is what I have to say. Listen up. Okay?

YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE WITH YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU EAT SHIT FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER. OFF TO THE LOONEY BIN WITH YOU, YOU SELF-DESTRUCTIVE, STALINIST PIECE OF SHIT!

FUCK YOU AND EVERYBODY LIKE YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY!

I HOPE YOU HAVE SLEEP APNEA UNTIL YOU DIE AND I HOPE YOU DIE SOON AND HAVE SLEEP APNEA IN HELL FOREVER BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO CHEAP TO COUGH UP A FUCKING $19.95 FOR A BADASS SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU WITH A HATE THAT ONLY THE LONE CRUSADER CAN HAVE!

There. Now I feel better. Now let me explain my sentiment for those of you for whom sheer manliness isn’t enough to convince you.

This cocksucker thinks I should just give away my ebook for free. Well I just have one question about that idea: DO I HAVE A RIGHT TO EAT, YOU ASSWIPE?!!!?!!!!!

If I put my time, blood, sweat and tears (I hate that cliche’, but it’s true) into a product that will help your sorry ass, you are telling me I don’t have a right be compensated for that?

Hell, charity is great, I give charity all the time. But if I didn’t charge any money for my products and services how the fuck would I have money to give to charity or even money to feed myself, my wife and my kids!

Is that what you want Chris you sado-masochistic bastard? You want me and my wife and kids to all die even though you don’t know me and them from a piece of shit in the pond!

Fuck you! No!

We won’t die you commie bastard. We will work and charge money for our services.

Do you know what would happen if we didn’t you dimwhitted little fuck?

If people like me didn’t get compensated for researching ou brilliant solutions and writing books and shit like that, then nobody would have an incentive to come up with smart inventions and solutions and stuff. The whole economy would come to a grinding fucking halt.

Is that what you want, Chris? Is that what you want you communist fucker? You want everyone to die?
Maybe that is what you want because you are an asshole. But what do you do for a living Chris? How do you eat?

Who pays YOUR bills? I don’t care who it is so don’t tell me. But I guarantee you at some point it came from you or somebody in your family working their ass off and then charging people money for the trouble.

So you can eat my shit, Chris. The whole reason you are even alive and able to write that stupid ass email is because people gave valuable services and got paid for it.

So on top of all your bullshit, you are a hypocrite too.

Well I won’t go down your crazy path, Chris. I never will! Fuck you! If everyone thought like you we’d all be dead.

Well fuck that. I choose life. And your bullshit is fucking up the world and fucking up my mind and I don’t like that.

Thank G-d there’s at least one fucker who still has the balls to tell you what you really are Chris. And what you are is a nut-job who should never be allowed to interact with the public

Off to the looney bin with you! Go now and leave us who want to live alone!

In a sentence: Fuck off Chris.

I don’t want your money and I don’t want you on my fucking list. You are a cancer that will just fuck up my business anyway.

Ah….

If only we could really tell our customers what we really think. What a brighter world this would be?

Maybe we should reconsider this whole “customer is always right” bullshit? Maybe we would actually make more money of we told our customers what they really are because they would appreciate our honesty?

I dunno.

Any thoughts on this you miracle bloggers? (Please no insane bullshit, not here, at least let there be one place where sanity rules. If you are an insane fucker who thinks nobody should be able to charge money for their products and services then check yourself into the nearest loony bin and stay there until you are healed).

Because that’s all I got for now.

The Lone Crusader

P.S Oh and by the way, this fucker said I’m “making money off of people’s suffering”. What the FUCK is he talking about? If there’s no suffering involved, then nobody’s going to pay you shit to help them with it. The only reason we need money is because it represents a way to pay for other people to take our suffering away from us…like the suffering of chaffing our own grain and making bread and shit like that. Without suffering i.e. the desire to want to outsource doing shit we don’t like doing because it’s painful to us…there’s no need for money.

But I have a special deal for you right now you dumb- fucker. I’ll give you suffering. And you don’t even have to pay for it.

How do you like that? That’s a real freebie for you. Come over here and enjoy my free suffering you commie bastard! Solutions cost money, but suffering is free so let’s really spread that suffering around: that’s communism in a nutshell if you didn’t know.

Men: Where Did Your Balls Go?

New post coming for this topic when I’m good and fucking ready assholes. Don’t rush me you fucking peices of shit. I’m the Lone Crusader. I make my own schedule and I’ll beat you to a bloody fucking pulp if you rush me so don’t try it. .

You see my fucking awesome red pen up there? That’ll be in your skull if you try to rush me into making this post.

I know you need more from the Lone Crusader but control yourselves godammit. Have some fucking patience.

O shit. This post is becoming so good I won’t want to erase it when I write the real one.

Does anybody know how you check your stats on these fucking wordpress blogs? The instructions were so godamn convoluted and I’m like ADD and there’s no phone number or any shit like that. So I was thinking maybe one of you miraculous fuckers who found this blog could tell me how to check the stats because I have this vanity thing going on and I want to know how many people are reading my shit.

Thanks fuckers.

Miracles Happen: World Class Long Haired Hippie Blogger Calls the Lone Crusader’s Arugments “Retarded” bringing a “malestrom” of new hits to Lone Crusader’s newborn baby blog!

If any of you didn’t believe in G-d before yesterday, this story should remove all doubt.

First of all, let’s start with the fact that, brilliant though I may be, I don’t know shit about blogging. I like the idea of being able to say whatever the fuck I want without Bolshevik censorship and I have all this fucking pent up shit to let out of my system which is like eating me up inside so I decided to give it a shot.

I wrote my first two posts yesterday (1/30/08). My first post was classily titled, “Atheists are Morons” and proved in a way that only the Lone Crusader can do, that well….atheists are fucking morons.

But my best proof that there really is a G-d came as a result of that post.

Me, knowing less than shit about how to get people to read my blog, I just wrote what I wrote and figured I’d see what happened. But of course I’ve heard that there are millions of blogs out there will only one reader (the author).

I figured mine would be the same story until I would need to buy some book or course or some shit which would educate my ignorant ass about how to get traffic to my blog.

But then a miracle happened.

Within what seemed to me like fucking MINUTES there was a response to my post “Athiests are Morons”. I was shocked.

Don’t ask me how this happened, but somehow some fucker with an atheist blog found my post. Maybe it was because I put atheism in the meta tags and this dude has some kind of RSS detector or some shit which tells him whenever some fucker is blogging about atheism. Maybe he’s really paranoid about people blogging about atheism when he’s not involved.

I don’t know. You’d have to ask him and he’s free to comment here and share with me how he found my post so godamn fast. But the fact is that he did.

And not only did he find it. This get’s better. A compound miracle! If you go to this fucker’s (no offense intended by the way it’s just my colloquilism) blog right now you’ll see a blog that looks like the whole godamn thing is dedicated to arguing with my Post!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy shit!!!!!!!!!!

This guy is probably some kind of professional blogger, with tons of his own moronic atheist followers and here he is giving mad publicity to my newborn baby blog!!!!!!

Fuck! I love this crazy world!

Next thing you know what do you think happens?

I start getting MORE comments on my blog.

Unfortunately it was all from other atheist fuckers because they were probably coming from this original atheist fuckers blog, but still it was comments.

I hear that for every comment you get there like 25 people who read but didn’t comment or some shit like that.

So I had like, I don’t know, 4 comments, or something like that. Which means, that (let me get out the Microsoft (R) Word “virtual calculator” and do this shit)….waiting…oh probably like 180 fucking people who visited my blog and read my incredibly brilliant shit and this all happened with in like an hour of me posting my blog.

So whoever says miracles don’t happen. I say “fuck you!” and I say we throw you in the looney bin because miracles do happen, even if they happen in the form of long-haired hippies calling your arguments “retarded”.

If any other fuckers happen to find this blog by some other miracle you can verify that what I’m saying is the godamn truth by going to the long haired hippie’s blog which is: http://scaryreasoner.wordpress.com/ and see that I’m not shitting you. You’ll see his attack on my arguments and a little debate that broke out between us in the comments section which eventually turned all soft and mushy and I was like “I’m not gay dude”, and he was like “but you said…”…oh whatever…you can see it for yourself.

Thank you G-d! You’re the best. No I’m the best. No we’re both the best. Let’s call the whole thing off.

The Lone Crusader

P.S New thought. If I can just keep up this pace of getting new traffic to my blog I’ll be the most fucking famous person ever in like…two years. Maybe then I’ll have a chance to throw all of you in the looney bin. Unless of course you agree with everything I say in which case you can be part of my presidential cabinet, as long as you know who your fucking daddy is.

P.P.S. Uh… scary reasoner, if you’re reading this…I know this will sound kinda’ funny since we were like fighting and all that shit, but…could you blogroll me?

I don’t know I’m like fucking obsessed with getting people to read my shit, and I know your blog is an atheist blog and over here I call atheist moron, but first of all…deep down you know I’m really right. Second of all, even if you delude yourself into thinking that you’re right you should still blogroll me because that would say to all your readers, “hey, I’m a real atheist, I’m not afraid to debate, I’m not afraid of the competing ideas, and all that bullshit, my ideas can withstand any kind of scrutiny and all that shit.” I think it would be totally awesome, but then again, I’m the Lone Crusader, not the Scary Reasoner. I’m “Lone” so I don’t expect other people to see thing my way and that’s just the fucking life I was handed.

In any case. If you don’t blogroll me I think you’re a fucking fraud who only wants to “sing to the choir” and get your dick sucked by all of your atheist fans who also are morons like you. Okay. Ignore what I just said.

Just blogroll me okay? It will be cool.

You can even give me a title like: “Retarded Believer in “G-d” or something like that. I don’t mind. Just get me some more traffic dude!!!!! Please!!!

I’ve only got like 2 years to become the most fucking famous person in the world and right now all I’ve got is this freebie blog and like four atheist fuckers commenting on here. You’re a blogger. You can help me. Help me dude.

What makes you a “Palestinian” (sic)?

There’s such a lack of truth in the world that it makes me scream sometimes. Do you realize how the media can just convince you of bullshit and then it becomes “fact” for years to come?

Do you realize how this fucks up the world?

Well, here’s an example.

The media is always talking about the Israelis in conflict with the “Palestinians”. Now who the fuck are these “Palestinians”?

Did you know that the Jewish run newspaper now called the Jerusalem Post used to be called the “Palestinian Post”?

No? Well look it up fucker, it’s true.

Do you know that up until the 1960s EVERYONE in that area including the JEWS were called “Palestinians”?

How come all the sudden these Arabs living there who are mainly from Egypt got this special little title all to themselves.

Do you know how they got it? Because the media decided to give it to them to hide the truth from you.

The truth is that there are already 66 Arab states. The Jews on the other hand didn’t have any state pre-1948. They always wandered from country to country getting the shit beaten out of them by:

the Romans,

the Greeks,

the Babylonians,

the Turkish,

the Russians,

the Polish,

the Czechs,

the Spanish,

the Portuguese,

the Italians,

and the list goes on and on.

Now the Jews want to have ONE FUCKING TINY LITTLE STATE while the Arabs have 66 fucking massive states all around those 6 million Jews.

Well that one Jewish state was just one too many for the inexplicably sick and twisted folks in the media.
So this was the plan. The media said: Instead of framing the Arabs as the “Goliath” and the Jews as the “David”, let’s turn the table on those fucking Jews (that we hate for no good reason because we’re evil fuckers).

All we have to do is take these Egyptian Arabs who are living near the Jews and their one tiny state and give them a name.

We’ll call them “Palestinians” and then we’ll make up some bullshit about how the Jews are mistreating them (when in fact the only way those Arabs could still be there is with Israeli hand-outs and support that is much greater than what they give to their own citizens).

Then we’ll say that these Arabs need their own state, because they are “Palestinians”, they don’t belong in any other Arab state. They need their own state.

You fuckers.

That’s the Jews who have no state of their own! Those Arabs have 66 states they can go to. Jordan was actually supposed to be the state for them.

But no. Now the Jews who have been getting fucked over in every generation now need to give up land from their little tiny slice of land smaller than the size of New Jersey and give it to the Arabs who have already 66 states and in their media are claiming they want to cause another holocaust on the Jews.

Is that what you want? Another holocausts on the Jews? Why you evil fuckers? What the hell did the Jews do to you that you wish this upon them.

You fucking bastards.

There’s so little truth in this world it makes me want to scream.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I feel better now. But not that much better.

Thank G-d there’s at least the Lone Crusader.

It’s me versus the rest of you sick evil brainwashed fuckers. Whoever wants to join me can. Or you can join the evil bastards who want the Jews thrown into the sea for no goddamn reason.

Fuck you assholes!

The Lone Crusader is here to tell you what you are, and what you are is scum.

The Lone Crusader.

Atheists Are Morons

I don’t care how many fancy letters you have after your name. If you are an atheist, you are a moron.

Now don’t get me wrong. People who think there is a man with a white beard in the sky may morons too.

But don’t you atheists think you’re so high and might bashing those Christian type of believers. You’re philosophy is the most retarded of them all.

If I understand you correctly, you think that there is no G-d, no Creator of the world.

So that means before the world was created there was no G-d, no nothing!

Do you realize what this means you pseudo intellectual fuckers?

It means you believe that NOTHING created the whole fucking world!

If someone brought you a cake and you told them that you thought there was no creator to the cake we would have thrown you into the loony bin a hell of a long time ago.

Yet you can sit there and believe that NOTHING created the WHOLE DAMN UNIVERSE and not only do we not lock you up, we treat you like you’re some kind of fucking genius.

Well screw you, atheist fuckers. You are nuts. You are insane. I don’t care if I’m the only one with the guts to say it, but anybody who believes that NOTHING created the whole fucking universe is a fucking insane moron. And if you’re arrogant about it…well now that just really pisses me off.

So screw you atheists. I’m the Lone Crusader and as long as I’m on this earth there will be at least one person with the balls to tell the emperor that he has no clothes.

I just realized I’m not done ranting yet.

Let me just talk about how you are fucking up the world with your insanity. When you are nuts and everyone think you’re smart, you know what that does? It makes everyone else fucking nuts too?

So you, my asshole friends, are fucking up the world. So fuck you fuckers. The Lone Crusader is here to tell you what you really are. You are not intellectuals, you are freaks. You deny reality, though you claim to be the scientists. You do this for one reason: you want to do whatever the fuck you want with your life without thinking about some Creator putting the smack down on you for your devious ways. Without G-d, there’s only you, and you do what you want.

Well, don’t worry. Your life is already a hell, you don’t need to wait until the “next world”. You are insane, you have no truth in your life, and that makes you pretty much dead in my view.

So stop this madness. Wake up people and let’s recognize these atheist nut cases for what they are.

Join me in the world of sanity where we don’t believe that things just create themselves. Join me now and the truth will set you free.

The Lone Crusader.

Don’t Read this Blog if You Want to Stay Stupid

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post.